My Christian Hypocrisy
I’m gonna die anyways, so might as well be real and honest with people, lol.
Not to sound morbid, but that’s the one thing none of us can escape: the grave.
From the moment we’re born, to our final breath, we’re thrust into a world of entropy.
I’m the Biggest Hypocrite; Thought You Should Know
So, by now, most of you probably know that I’m Christian.
I sometimes hear people say to me on IG or other social media, that I’m so generous. Or I’m godly or whatever. Oh man, I squirm with discomfort. Every time. Because it’s not true.
I’m pretty screwed up. I’m not being a pessimist here. And I’m not depressed or anything. I’m just saying what’s true. I’ve always had the same problem personally. Always putting people on pedestals because I want to look up to someone. I think I have a subconscious longing to have someone to look up to, “perfect” individuals that I can model after; because I’m a romantic and an idealist.
I’ve been hurt by this quite a bit. Because most of the people I look up to tend to be pastors. And when I realize that they are not perfect, I get utterly disappointed. And I guess that’s one of the reasons why I want to remind some of you; especially you younger folks out there looking for select individuals to model after.
Do not look up to me because I will sorely disappoint you.
We’re All Human; and Human Beings are Inherently Flawed
Why are humans so twisted? Why are we so selfish? It’s depressing to dwell on, so I try to limit this kind of thinking. I used to be anti-social because of this at one point.
Maybe I’ll share that story another time.
And look, I’m not saying this while sitting on a high horse. Because I am as well. I’m probably one of the worst. Everywhere I see around me, people are motivated by greed, envy, lust, and pride. Starting with me. Why can’t we all get along? Why can’t we be a bit harmonious. Wanting what’s best for one another. Not being so cutthroat and egotistical.
I really think about stuff like this sometimes. But when I ask myself this question, like why is the world so jacked up? I look within and the truth dawns on me:
“Ahh…I see why…because there are a whole lot of people in the world just like me. LOL, no wonder! Because yeah…that’d do it.”
Liars Can Spot Liars
A bit of a tangent but it’s where my stream of thought is going so let’s just go with it. But seriously, have you realized this? The more you are of something, the more you can see that exact “something” in others. You’re like more “attuned” to it. More sensitive to it.
Liars can spot other liars better because they see through the lens of a liar. People who are honest and sincere don’t think like that and don’t have preconceived thoughts like that; because they themselves are very trusting of others! Or people that are always seeing others as haters. Why are they so adamant that people are hating on them? Because they themselves are haters, and they’re hating on people themselves!
Christians Need to be More Loving
If you’re reading this. And you’re a christian. And you hate on people. Shame on you. And shame on me.
WWJD son! What would Jesus do? Ok, so listen. I think a lot of times, when I’m saying stuff like this, it’s because it’s probably pent up anger and resentment that I have towards myself. So whenever you see me saying stuff that sounds all holy or whatever, it’s probably because subconsciously I’m probably trying to preach to myself; it’s only because I’m doing the exact opposite.
Here Are a Couple of Bible Verses on Being Loving
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:7-8
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
So pretty straightforward there. Look it up yourself.
Church is for People Who are Hurting
Which goes to show, and I can’t emphasize this enough: Christians are hurting people folks. Church is for hurting people.
So don’t go looking for role models at a church folks. You’ll be sorely disappointed. This is a group of people who have some serious issues, hurts, emotional/psychological, you name it. We run the whole gamut. But if you’re one of these yourself, you should try going to church. There’s my christian plug. I had to.
But in all seriousness…this little bit is for my anti-christian friends out there: are you that much better? If you aren’t, can’t you empathize even just a little? Granted, there are a ton of Christian haters out there, so trust me, I get it. The street goes both ways.
So I need to be better starting with myself. I can’t speak for others.
I’m Just Trying to Live Life and be Proud of Myself
I think at the end of the day, I want to look at the reflection in the mirror and be proud of myself.
I can trick everyone else, but I can’t trick me. I know myself a bit too well.
So I’m trying to go through life and be the best person I can be, while working within this diseased construct (my physical body and degenerate mind). I want to be a good person. Really I do. I want to be the best that I can be. I want to strive and thrive, but do it humbly.
But how do I even do that? It’s tough to marry the two sometimes isn’t it?
Maybe it’s just me.