The #1 Most Forgotten and Underrated Thing Within Marriages and Relationships (and Cash Giveaway Winner Revealed!)
A lot of people, experts, and people all around us are talking about things that you should be doing in your marriage or in your relationship with your significant other. People are giving all sorts of advice aren’t they? But how do you what’s really important? Who do you listen to?
I’ll cut to the chase, the #1 most important thing isn’t what you do for your wife, husband, or bf gf
What? That doesn’t even make sense? You might be asking yourself this.
See, that’s the first thing that comes to peoples minds when someone tries to give relationship advice is “ok, so what do I have to do…” But that’s actually secondary to what I believe is one of the most underrated thing within a relationship.
It’s not always what you do, but it’s what you don’t do
Did you catch what I just said?
It’s not always what you do for your wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend, it’s sometimes far more important what you don’t do that’ll help him/her.
And here it is:
Don’t create unnecessary drama.
That’s the answer. Don’t do that. Don’t bring drama if you can help it.
What do I mean by that?
Look, is life easy for you?
Is it a walk in the park? Everything is great? You living in a wonderland my friend?
Heck no. Most people are struggling just trying to make it to the end of the day. So what benefit does it bring your wife/husband (I’m going to use this interchangeably going forward), if he comes home from work, the first thing you do is add extra mental baggage and things that emotionally drain him?
There’s just no energy left for useless crap like that. Do you follow what I’m saying?
Life is hard enough as is, don’t add more drama to it
See how underrated this is?
I want you to think about how you treat your wife. How you treat your husband, your fiance, your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Do you energize them or de-energize them?
I’ll give you a tip: if you want a better functioning husband or wife, or whatever, it’s kinda important to keep them energized; it won’t do you a single thing if they’re demoralized and drained. It’s just going to make things worse. So why contribute to this never ending cycle of negativity and irritation? It’ll just feed on itself and end up being a never-ending vortex of pain and drama, bickering and fighting.
Now, none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes
I get it. I’m not talking to you from a high horse alright? I don’t always uplift my wife. I don’t always bring nothing but positivity to my wife. I’m sure there are times I don’t do her (or me for that matter) any favors by bringing negativity into the bedroom. But the difference is knowing that you’re doing it and wanting to be a better human being. No need to beat yourself up if it happens, because we’re all faulty; but don’t keep doing it.
Make an effort for goodness sake!
How to not bring drama to his life
Here are 3 things I can think of off the top of my head right now, that’ll help your man be a better man for you and your children, and everyone else around you (and keep in mind, it’s not always what you do, but what you don’t do that will help your relationship tremendously):
- This is #1 on your man’s list ladies. Don’t nag. Trust me when I say, incessant (never-ending) nagging is probably #1 on the list of ways you can pretty much guarantee your man is going to operating at a level far below his capabilities. It’s just so draining to hear. Especially if it’s non-stop, and the same thing being repeated over and over again. Wow, I can’t think of anything worse than a nagging wife. “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” – Proverbs 21:19 – Come on, you gonna argue with God’s word? Haha (don’t hate me for using this card). To add to this, I need to point out that men who lose their confidence, revert to being boys. Confidence is everything to a guy. So ladies, you need to restore your man’s confidence; trust me, he’ll become a superhero if you can uplift his spirits. And nagging does the opposite. Just some food for thought.
- Give him some space. Don’t wanna add drama? Give him some room to breath. Look, we can listen to your day and all the ways Stephanie your co-worker treated you bad or your customer ruined your day, or your boss was being unfair. Ok? We’ll listen. But let us unwind for a second. Just for a second, please. We just got back from work too and our tanks are as depleted as yours! Believe it or not, I strongly think that all men have ambition (or are supposed to); if your man doesn’t, that means it got beat out of them or some sort of childhood trauma robbed them of ambition. Men inherently want to provide. They want to work the field and “produce a crop” so to speak. Men absolutely require the feeling of being needed by other people; and we especially need to feel needed by our wives and children.
- As men, we’re trying. At least most men are, I can’t speak for all men though. But most good men are trying for their families. They’re trying hard. So don’t bring drama by comparing your guys’ situation with the Jones’ or the Lees down the street that just recently got a brand new car, or any other thing that your girlfriends are posting on social media or bragging to you about. It doesn’t help the situation. Again, dial down the drama. Way down. Only then can he focus on your needs and the needs of the family.
How to not bring drama to her life
Here are 3 things I can think of off the top of my head right now, that’ll help your lady be a better person for you and your children, and everyone else around you (and keep in mind, it’s not always what you do, but what you don’t do that will help your relationship tremendously):
- Ok, how do you think women are wired? Let’s be real. Aside from me talking about Christian principles since not all of you who are reading this are Christian. Women, since the stone ages, have been wired to search for a man that can protect her from the wild beasts, care for her needs, and supply food and shelter for them and their eventual offspring. This is basic stuff. You can’t go more basic than this. Are you going to argue with this logic? If you’re a SJW (social justice warrior) and you’re offended by my reinforcement of gender stereotypes, sorry this is not the blog for you. Women require a man that is a man. Not a sissy wuss that can’t even fend for himself and doesn’t have passion, zest, and drive for life. Do you feel me? I know I’m being a bit harsh, but I’m trying to really get this point across so that it sticks with you. And I’m not trying to beat you up if you’re a guy and you’re reading this, since most of us are all out there hustling and trying our very best. But I can tell you with 100% certainty (and research proves) that financial instability is what starts the most arguments in marriages and in relationships. Women are biologically wired to seek for a man that can provide for them and their future offspring. I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re not providing this kind of environment, you really need to try harder. Because this isn’t a “want” for her. It’s a “need.”
- Don’t wanna bring unnecessary drama to her life? Don’t ignore her needs; actually listen to her and read between the lines. What does this mean? Women have needs, just like men. But from my experience, women are far more complicated though, to be honest. And I don’t fully understand them myself, lol. So I’m in no way an expert. And I suck at all of this by the way, so don’t call me out on it. Men are simple. I don’t wanna repeat what everyone else says a lot of about men being very simple. But yet we are, relatively speaking. So I can’t get away from that fact. We just need food, sex, sports/games, and that’s pretty much it. Women are more complicated, so you can lessen the drama in her life by being a bit more attentive. I know it’s hard guys, but you gotta try (‘m preaching to myself here, trust me). If you’re reading this and you’re Christian like me, remember what the bible says? You need to treat her like Christ treats the church. Are you treating her like that? Because if you aren’t, it’s no wonder she’s acting all crazy (lol). It’s a give and take gentlemen, so uphold your side of the bargain. Jesus took care of the church’s needs, and He continues to do so. So you must do the same. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” – Ephesians 5:25
- There are some very simple things you can abstain from (so, basically things you don’t do), to not add unnecessary drama to her life. Don’t go out drinking or going to bars when you’re on your business trip or strip clubs (I know married men that do this, and I never understood it). Be loyal and don’t put yourself in a situation where you can screw up (because it’s very easy for men to screw up; doesn’t take a whole lot visually to make our brains turn off). Don’t be stupid with your money by gambling because that’ll have her worrying about the financial health of your household (that’s rule #1 – see above about the primary needs of a woman). All of these things are very simple things that you don’t do to make sure not adding stupid and unnecessary drama to her life. She doesn’t have time to worry about you cheating on her when you’re out. Or if you’re hanging out with your pretty co-worker at work and calling it a “lunch meeting.” So reassure her and always keep her in the loop on what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and what your plans are. She has the right to know. And even if she acts all “cool” come on now. We know better than that. Being more transparent is always better than being less transparent when it comes to relationships. Especially for the ladies.
Conclusion and Take-aways
Just read the two sections above for the short list of what not to do to keep drama to a minimum. I wrote 3 bullet points each, for the ladies and 3 for the men.
As a side note:
If you haven’t already done so, make sure you catch what I write above about some of you that are reading this that are social justice warriors always calling me out on my social media regarding me reinforcing gender stereotypes.
P.S. here’s the winner of yesterday’s $100 cash give-away: the first person to correctly guess the song I had most recently listened to is @iamolaizola (answer was “Every time we touch” by Cascada); by the way, many of you had the correct answer because you found the hint in one of my posts. But according to the time stamps @iamolaizola on IG was the first to say it, so better luck next time. Make sure you have post notifications turned on so you have an advantage, since you’ll be first to see the cash give-away. Many of these will be “the first person to correctly guess”, so that timing advantage will definitely help!